run away

My 15 year old sister disappeared again tonight. She has a habit of "running away" whenever she's home alone with my mom. 

Last week was the first time she ever ran away while she was with me. She stole my cell phone and my ATM card, called a cab and tried to get to Annapolis (all while I was still asleep). Fortunately she couldn't figure out the pin for my ATM card, and the cab driver wouldn't take her Annapolis- so she ended up back at the house. 

Tonight, though, she took off when my mom tried to get her to do school work- probably around 6 o'clock. We haven't seen her since then. I guess she called from a pay phone in Dundalk at some point, but then she disappeared again. My dad and I spent 2 hours driving around that area looking for her. No luck. 

We always find her. She's never been missing overnight. I don't know which is scarier, that she's out on her own tonight or that I don't think I'm going to miss any sleep over it. 

PS. Driving home on Eastern Avenue I saw a dead kitty in the middle of the road. I almost started crying. Then I almost started crying again because I realized that I was more upset about a dead cat than I was about my sister being lost. I'm a great person. 

 

(disclaimer: There's so much back story on the subject of my sister, that it's not worth getting into. Please don't judge. You don't have all the facts.)

the cats

When my now ex-boyfriend J moved out of the dorms and into a house with his friends, they realized that their uncleanliness, coupled with city living in an old house was an invitation for rodents. I suggested a cat as the best way to keep down the mouse population. I think it's better than cleaning up traps, and all that stuff. It seems a little more natural to me. 

Well, J found two cats on craigslist. Their owners were moving to a new place where pets were prohibited. AND the one cat looked just like a cat I had when I was growing up, named Jim. Well, J saw this cat and I guess he thought it'd be cool to surprise with a cat that looked just like Jim. 

I was so surprised and excited to see them. I bonded with them so quickly. Some nights I'd spend the night just to spend time with the cats. During school breaks I'd bring them home with me. I really love them so much. 

When J and I went on vacation last month, the cats stayed at my house with my family. 

They've been here since. Technically they're J's cats- so now that we're broken up, he should rea

lly come get them. I gave him a week to come get them. This weekend is

 his last chance. 

I'm not sure if I want them or not. I love them to death, but looking at them reminds me of him. I guess it's up to him. If he comes for them this weekend, they'll go back. If he doesn't, they'll stay. 

PS. Why does pay become paid, but stay doesn't become staid??

finally

I think about starting to blog again all of the time. 

I've finally gone and done it.

When I was in high school I had a personal blog, which had a devoted 2 readers. Once my parents discovered it, I toned down my writing, and had a devoted 3 readers. 

It was more for me, than it was to find on-line fame. More than anything I loved designing my "layouts". For a while I thought of becoming a graphic designer. 

Then I realized how much I actually enjoyed writing about something I cared about. That's when I considered becoming a journalist. 

Fast forward four years, and I'm a newly single, recent college grad, working in a hospital as a secretary and exploring the city I grew up in as a semi-adult. 

I'm probably just as clueless today as I was back then. But at least now I can legally drink. 

I'm going through some interesting times in my life. Why not share?

break up

J and I broke up last night/this morning.

I don't remember how it started exactly, but I've been feeling some trust issues lately. Nothing huge, but dumb stuff- like he bought a used computer and is trying to sell it on ebay. He didn't tell me about it. I found out on my own.

So I called him last night, after he was asleep, and said, "I think we should break up because I feel like I can't trust you anymore. If you don't tell me about small stuff, how do I know you're not lying about big stuff?" I was expecting him to say something along the lines of, "Oh Kate. That's silly. You can trust me. I love you."

Instead he said, "I think that'd be for the best."

Uhhhh, wait. What?!

Apparently he's sick of the long distance relationship thing. He feels detached. I suggested trying to get together more, especially on the weekends; he said that would make things worse. He said he still loves me, and I'm a great girlfriend....but he doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship right now, as a young guy in college. He said he doesn't see our paths crossing (location wise) again in the future, so we might as well just break up now.

This comes 2 weeks after we return from a great week together in Florida.

After getting off the phone with him, I drove to Philly. I couldn't sleep, and thought if I saw him in person we could fix things.

By the time I got to Philly (1:45am), I was exhausted, my head hurt, and I just felt miserable. I walked into his apartment to see all kinds of new things. Including a huge (like 40inch) flat screen tv. That was a surprise. He never mentioned buying it. Such a big item...I found it really sketchy that he hadn't mentioned it.

I was so angry at him after this that I just wanted to go home. But like I said, I was exhausted. (I worked 25 hours this weekend) So we went to bed.

I half expected to wake up this morning and have things be fine. When I talked about working it out, he didn't even budge. It was a straight up, solid "No".

I feel so absolutely miserable. I don't understand what's going on. I don't understand how he became so selfish all of a sudden. I don't understand how he made this decision so easily. How long has he been thinking about this?

He assures me time and time again that there isn't anyone else involved. I believe him. But it doesn't make understanding this any easier.

To me, if you love someone you want to spend time with them. And some time together is better than no time together....

J says things are great when we see each other, but each time I leave he feels worse than the time before.

So, I spent the whole morning crying, most of the afternoon crying- until I went to work at 3. There I only broke down a few times. Two were because he contacted me. He actually had the nerve to call me at work (on the work phone) and tell me he had just forwarded a piece of mail to me. Was that something that he really needed to call me for? I would have gotten it in the mail in a few days. As soon as I picked up the phone my voice started to quiver, and I started crying.

I hate this. I absolutely hate it. We're 20 stupid days away from our 2 year anniversary. :( I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.